I'm Reading This Book So You Don't Have To

reading book At 752 pages and just over four and a half pounds, Martha Stewart's Homekeeping Handbook claims on the cover to be "the ESSENTIAL guide to caring for EVERYTHING in your home." We all know Martha doesn't lie (except for that one time) so this is, in fact, the bible of cleaning. She knows the hardships of caring for a home, from hand washing her antique linens to sealing her stone floors, and she has bravely put pen to paper to help us through it all. I bought this book several months ago and I think it intimidated me. So, now I challenge myself to work through this book and I'll share with you the best tips from time to time.

My previous project, My Month As Martha was really fun, so here we go again!

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Did I mention this book is big? It's essentially a hard-bound textbook and Martha gets right into bossing you into your chair with section #1 "How to Use This Book." Thanks Martha, I needed some guidance with that. I started by opening the book. I hope that was ok, Martha.

Anyhoo, the instructions are simple, read the first 400 pages of the book which covers room by room how to clean. Then you are ready for the master course, "Throughout the House," where Martha decides that you are ready to handle the holy pentagon of cleaning.

Spoiler alert...

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Stare and chant at least 375 per day and you, too can have a clean home!

I'll be reporting back soon after tackling the first stage, which is gathering my cleaning materials and creating the TO DO CALENDAR.

xo Becky

Reflections

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Getting ready to throw away the calendar I carried around all month. I will miss having Martha's voice in my head, scolding me about dusty chandeliers and reminding me about tours of my stables.

Did I learn anything this month?

Yes!

Here are some of the discoveries I didn't previously share:

  • Martha has a cartoon. For reals! Martha and Friends follows a 10 year old Martha, 2 dogs and her BFFs as they make crafts and inevitably get bossed around by Martha for not properly organizing their friendship bracelet collections.

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  • Martha's in court again. Rut roh. This time she's involved with a debacle with Macy's. It's ok, just stay cool Martha...

Martha Stewart Andy Samberg

  • Genghis Khan, one of Martha's dogs, took Best of Breed among the chow chows a few weeks ago at the 136th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Congratulations!

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Martha Stewart Seth Meyers

Man, I wish that last one was true!

I really enjoyed my month as Martha as well as all your comments and encouragement. If you stopped by for the month, I hope you visit again!

xo Becky

Follow more of "My Month as Martha" here:

My Month as Martha: Part 19

February 27th

What Martha did:

  • Go for a horseback ride

Well, anyone who's anyone knows that Martha loves herself some horses. You might also remember this costume from the 2010 Halloween edition of Martha Stewart Living...

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The "ghostly equestrian."

Oh, wow, yes! A totally do-able costume!

As the instruction describes, "Martha's grand cape swells behind her as she rides through a twilight gloaming; her pale eyes stare from beneath red-rimmed lids. Although the cape looks elaborate, it's constructed with just a few folds and seams in a long piece of taffeta. A top hat veiled with black netting is trimmed with gray ribbon and an ostrich feather."

So simple! All you need is some red eye shadow, some taffeta, a top hat and veil... oh yeah and a freaking HORSE because how else would anyone know what you are?

Anyhow, I did NOT go for a horseback ride today. Sorry, Martha. As always I need to just live vicariously through you. So I watched this video instead!

Please enjoy this clip of Conan O'Brien learning all about horses with Martha...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeberrByRp0&feature=player_detailpage

Apparently they're actually good friends.

Here they are drinking beer...

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Drankin' 40's...

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And making some kind of weird miniature tree...

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Martha, you really are the coolest.

xo Becky

Follow more of "My Month as Martha" here:

My Month as Martha: Part 18

February 26th

What Martha did:

  • Gardener Ryan McCallister's birthday

I jumped on Martha's blog to find out some more about this Ryan fellow...

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No, I did NOT mean "bean canister!" but I clicked on the link anyway. It just lead me to a video about making the perfect egg sandwich.

Hmmm, not helpful. But now she's got me all curious about bean canisters, so I Google them...

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BEAN CANNIBAL?! What the heck is that?!!

So I clicked...

According to legend, Sawney Bean was a clan leader in Scotland in the 16th century who was reportedly executed for the mass murder and cannibalisation of over 1,000 people. His father was a ditch digger and hedge trimmer -

Wait, crap. Hedge trimmer. I just remembered I'm supposed to be Googling one of Martha's gardeners. Ryan McCallister. Not bean canister, or bean cannibals...

Here he is with Francesca, one of Martha's dogs:

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Well, that clears things up for me, I hope it did for you.

xo Becky

Follow more of "My Month as Martha" here:

My Month as Martha: Part 16

February 20th

What Martha did:

  • Marc Morrone's birthday
  • Have car washed and detailed

Ha! I love Marc Morrone, that dude is crazy. If you don't know Marc, he used to have a show Petkeeeping with Marc Morrone which basically consisted of him giving pet advice while standing in front of a table piled full of animals. Literally.

Here's a pretty funny clip here.

According to Martha's blog, he's also her "petkeeper." Whatever that means. Maybe she lets him sleep in her stables with her Canadian donkeys.

Happy birthday. Marc!

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xo Becky

P.S. I didn't have to wash my car because it rained and nature took care of it for me. Booya!

Follow more of "My Month as Martha" here:

My Month as Martha: Part 15

February 19th

What Martha did:

Saturday:

  • Prune and shape fruit trees

I’m having a pretty stressful time at work at the moment. I have to say blogging (mostly) every day for this project has been very therapeutic.

In My Month as Martha: Part 4, I used Martha’s knife sharpening as an analogy to snap my brain back into shape. Albeit a small and silly exercise, Martha helped me find calm that day.

Today I lean on the ever-knowing Martha to help me think about “pruning my trees.”

From Martha’s blog on the 11th:

If you grow apple or pear trees, you most likely understand the importance of annual training and pruning. Without training and pruning, these fruit trees will not develop a proper shape and form. And, when trained and pruned correctly, the trees have a much better chance of producing a higher yield of fruit and also live longer lives. Once an apple or pear tree is planted, this training and pruning will help to develop a strong tree framework to support the fruit it bears. When pruning does not take place, these fruit trees grow tall, upright branches that can break when the fruit forms.

If you have a brain, you most likely understand the importance of maintenance. Without it, your mind will not develop a proper shape and form. And, when trained, the brain has a much better chance of producing a higher yield of good thoughts - and also live a longer life! As soon as you begin to develop, training will help to develop a strong framework to support the fruit it bears. When this does not take place, you may grow, but you will be weak.

Today’s lesson gleaned from Martha is that I need to take care of myself. A tree might look pretty, but if you want it to last and be fruitful, sometimes you have to hack off some of the branches.

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Staring up at the trees I remember to...

B R E A T H E

S T A N D  S T RO N G

H O L D  O N

Thank you, Martha.

xo Becky

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My Month as Martha: Part 14

February 16th - 18th

What Martha did over the three-day weekend:

Saturday:

  • Harvest lettuces from greenhouse

Sunday:

  • Hope for snow and cross-country skiing

Monday:

  • My dog Sparkey’s birthday

 

Such different lives we lead, Martha…

1. We don’t have a vegetable garden. However, my husband DID mow the lawn.

2. I also live in California, so snow and cross-country skiing are a no-go.

3. None of my cats had a birthday this weekend, but one did get a bath.

 

So what did we do?

  •  I busted out my food processor and made some yummy things, such as whipped feta, kale salad and meatballs.
  • I also assembled an Ikea dresser, organized some drawers and did about 12,000 loads of laundry.

This week will be filled with lots of prep work for our big Oscar party next weekend. Hopefully Martha can help me stay on track!

xo Becky

Follow more of "My Month as Martha" here:

My Month as Martha: Part 13

February 15th

What Marta did:

  • Clean chandeliers and dust lightbulbs

Thank the gods this is on the schedule for this month. Pretty much every day I walk into my apartment and shake my fist angrily in the air at the ungodly sight of all my dusty chandeliers. "DAMN THESE CHANDELIERS!" I cry as I slowly begin to weep.

What I did:

I watched this SNL sketch again, the one true authority on chandeliers. Check it out, Scarlett Johansen is hilarious.

Also, I'm not sure who drew this, but it's hilarious:

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Have a good weekend!!

xo Becky

Follow more of "My Month as Martha" here:

My Month as Martha: Part 12

February 14th

What Marta did:

  • Bake sugar cookies with Jude

Oooooooh. Who's JUDE Martha?? (Just kidding, I'm pretty sure that's one of her grandchildren)

The other day my Mom made sugar cookies with Lucy. When they were done she said, "I'll eat an apple instead." WHAT?!

What I did:

We were lucky enough to have babysitters on Valentine's Day (thanks Granny and Grampy!) so we got to have a date night.

We had Japanese BBQ - s'mores for dessert!

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And then saw Django Unchained - a super duper romantic movie! (Really it was awesome, I love Quentin Tarantino and have been dying to see this movie)

I hope Martha had a great day with her granddaughter, and I hope you had a super romantical day, too!

xo Becky

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My Month as Martha: Part 11

February 13th

What Marta did:

  • Clean up debris from lawns and gardens; chip fallen branches

At first my heart leapt at the idea that Martha has a wood chipper and operates it herself. Getting out all her aggressions by hurling large branches into its grinding teeth.

NO WAY

I checked Martha's blog and she actually jumped the gun and had her "grounds crew" clear all her branches last Friday.

My grounds crew (aka my husband) has been asked to tidy up our yard this weekend.

What I did instead:

After a loooooong day at the office I made cake pops for dinner!!

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(Corn bread with turkey franks inside)

xo Becky

Follow more of "My Month as Martha" here:

My Month as Martha: Part 10

February 12th

What Marta did:

  • Allyn Magrino's birthday

What I did:

  • Googled Allyn Magrino

Apparently she is one of Martha's publicists. Excuse me, but it also happens to be Abraham Lincoln's birthday today. The PRESIDENT. The one who got a WHOLE MOVIE made about him. Where are the top hat crafts? Where's the "Pin the Beard on Abe?"

I'm took the liberty of putting together a roundup of Lincoln themed gifts for you to buy in honor of this VERY important day (that Martha forgot about).

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1. Lincoln bandaids to help you remember to stand strong and proud despite your boo-boos.

2. How about a poster of Abe riding on a grizzly bear wielding a gun?

3. A bib that asks your child, "What would Lincoln do?" Surely he wouldn't throw a tantrum.

4. A Lincoln vs. Johnson t-shirt - who will win????!

5. This cool print of a quote by Lincoln. Truly words to live by.

I enjoyed President Lincoln's birthday. How about you?

Happy birthday Allyn Magrino. I hope Martha got you a really sweet gift. Maybe that poster of Abe riding the bear...

xo Becky

Follow more of "My Month as Martha" here:

My Month as Martha: Part 9

February 11th What Martha did:

  • Download March issue of Living on my iPad
  • Trainer

What I did:

"Woo hoo!" I thought as I read this. This is super easy. Then...

DUN

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DUN

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DUN!!

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What the heck?

Did she banish me?

Are you there, Martha? It's me, Becky. I'm sorry. Please let me see your March issue so I can totally not make fun of you.

Help, please.

xo Becky

Follow all of "My Month as Martha:"

My Month as Martha: Part 8

The Weekend
What Martha did:
  • Saturday: Go on a hike with the dogs
  • Sunday: Knit mittens
What I did:
I didn’t post anything for Friday the 8th because Martha took the day off. THE DAY OFF! Lazy.
As for the weekend - I’ve gotten WAY off track here. I failed again and did not follow her schedule – but I was busy!
We went to a princess party where we met Ariel and Lucy got her face painted.
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I made egg-in-a-hole for Lucy (which she didn't eat).
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I got to hang out with a bunch of my friends. The highlight was when I got this AH-mazing belated birthday present from my bestie, Nicole, a custom portrait by Yasmine Surovec of Cat vs. Human.
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So, I had a good weekend, despite not knitting or hiking. I say Martha gets a point for the mittens, but I get a point for meeting a mermaid.
Score so far? I'd say it's a draw. Martha gets one point for all the exercise she's been doing, one for sharpening her ninja swords and knitting mittens. I get one for going to the grocery store instead of freezing my butt of planting vegetables, one for making valentines, and one for the mermaid meeting.
Watch out Martha, I'm in it to win it so this week things are gonna get REAL.
Follow more of “My Month as Martha” here:
xo Becky

My Month as Martha: Part 7

February 7th
What Martha did:
  • Start sowing broccoli and cabbage seeds
  • Trainer

What I did:

I would honestly love to have a vegetable garden, but as a cat owner the parts of my garden that aren't lined by grass or concrete are all poo. Literally. Not the most appetizing place to grow ones food. So we get our produce from Farm Fresh to You or the grocery store. Not as awesome as sowing and reaping my own harvest, but whatevs.

Here's me embarrassing myself to prove that I too can acquire broccoli and cabbage:

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Follow more of “My Month as Martha” here:

xo Becky

My Month as Martha: Part 5

February 5th
What Martha did:
  • Organize seed packets as they arrive

What I did:

First of all, thank you for the brilliant idea to take a day off from work so that I could coordinate the numerous seed deliveries that usually litter my calendar into one catch-all "Seed Day." But HOW am I supposed to organize them all? Martha has a video about it here on her website. Spoiler alert, she puts them in a box.

Ok, so I didn't follow through today really. Martha wins again!

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Follow more of “My Month as Martha” here:

xo Becky

My Month as Martha: Part 4

Click here to read about "My Month as Martha" February 4th

What Martha did:

  • Sharpen knives, scissors and garden tools
  • See trainer

What I did:

I like this one because picturing Martha surrounded by sharp objects, wildly grinding them against her sharpening stone, evokes a pretty amazing picture.

According to Chef’s Choice:

"A sharp knife is safer than a dull knife. A dull knife can slip off food and cut the user. The excessive force needed to make a dull knife cut causes the user to lose control, i.e. the knife can 'break out' of the material being cut and cause injury. A sharp knife requires little force, so it's easier to control and cuts where intended. The user is more likely to treat a sharp knife carefully."

Today I choose to sharpen my mental knives.

A sharp mind is safer than a dull mind. A dull mind can make you freak out. The excessive force needed to make a dull mind actually think causes you to lose control, i.e. the mind can 'break out' of your skull and cause injury. A sharp mind requires little force, so it's easier to control and works as intended. You are more likely to treat a sharp mind carefully.

After reading up on some brain exercises, I did the following this past week:

  1. I took a new route to work. This simple change of taking a different side street changed my normally rote state of driving.
  2. I ate my lunch with my left hand. This brought a heightened awareness to what I was doing and made me appreciate the food a lot more in the process.
  3. I tried something new. Lucy and I made chicken tenders from the Weelicious Cookbook.
  4. I did my nails in the car. You might argue this was more of a physical challenge than a mental one, but it was a challenge nonetheless. Sally Hansen Salon Effects remain my #1 fave and these french tips have me smitten:SAMSUNG

My brain feels good. Ready for a new day. Ready for what antics Martha might get me into soon...

Follow more of "My Month as Martha" here:

xo Becky

My Month as Martha: Part 3

Click here to read about "My Month as Martha" February 3rd

What Martha did:

  • Go to the Super Bowl in New Orleans

What I did:

Good for you, Martha, Super Bowl tickets! Do you think she painted her face? I bet if she did it was the most intricate and perfect thing you ever saw.

I was in a basement full of kids with a partially functioning TV. If it were up to me it would have been tuned to the Puppy Bowl.

I did get to sneak upstairs to drink some wine and watch the halftime show:

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Beyonce was FABULOUS. Congratulations. Too bad our Niners lost :(

Follow more of "My Month as Martha" here:

Part 1

Part 2

xo Becky